my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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