I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
