I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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