What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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