When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
