I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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