So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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