to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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