glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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