You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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