she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
