Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
