he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
