I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We have so much sex to catch up on
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
