god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
