I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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