I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
