I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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