Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
