Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
