Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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