plz talk dirty to me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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