Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
