just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your tits are I can't wait for
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
