I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There r osticjed everywhere
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize