Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize