She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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