3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
