He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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