The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
