nut hugger
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
