So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
