Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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