me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
