i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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