sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
