Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
