You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
