Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
