I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
