Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When are your genitals available?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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