things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
