So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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