I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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