Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
