so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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