whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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