I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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