it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
4 words: hood of his car
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
