Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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