so that wasnt chicken after all
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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