not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
