i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
