why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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