you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
