My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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