His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
