at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
