O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
