He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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