he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
