I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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