I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize