I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
