Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
